Never Do This When Dating Asian Women

While dating sites have pushed the boundaries of dating, they also reveal the dark side of it. It’s highlighted the inherent racist perceptions that still exist in society, which have also programmed people’s perception of other races. And when it comes to dating Asian women, racial fetishization is one of the biggest problems Asian singles face.

What is fetishization?

This word means the sexual fascination of traits that are not inherently sexual. In the case of dating Asian women, women of Asian descent have to deal and weed out white men that have "yellow fever."

These men most likely prefer dating an Asian woman because of the stereotype that she would be submissive and docile. While there is nothing wrong with dating a certain type of woman (even signing up on free dating sites that mostly feature Asian women), you should remain open-minded that she might not conform to these stereotypes.

While one’s culture would greatly shape one’s personality, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the individual would conform to all the values that culture influences. Remember, there are other factors that shape one’s personality, such as her upbringing, educational background, and maybe even her financial background.

You still have to be open-minded enough to accept her for who she is regardless of your initial perceptions.

How do you know you’re fetishizing someone?

The first thing you have to realize is that fetishizing someone’s race is not a compliment. Accepting her ethnicity is one thing, but dating her solely because of it is another. If you don’t see past her race, then you’re not fully acknowledging her as a person, as an individual.

However, you might not realize that you’re fetishizing your date. To avoid this, here are some signs to look out for:

1. You keep referencing stereotypes about her race.

Again, don’t believe every stereotype you hear. While some of them are based on truth, they don’t necessarily apply to all Asian women. It’s just as wrong to accept some of them as facts and expect your date to fall into them.

Besides, you should just take these stereotypes with a grain of salt. However, there are aspects about her culture that you probably don’t know about (or you already do but don’t understand). In case there are some cultural references or practices that confuse you, you can always ask.

2. You give her a food-based nickname because of her complexion.

Calling her “Caramel” or “Honey” because it signifies her skin color is downright offensive. There’s no reason you can come up with another nickname or simply address by her real name.

If you still want a nickname for her, come up with something more original, preferably something that’s more in line with her personality rather than her looks. For example, if she’s an ardent fan of a franchise, you can nickname her after one of her favorite characters. Not only is this the safe option, but she might even be flattered.

3. You keep pointing out whenever she conforms to a certain stereotype.

All stereotypes come from somewhere and there is a degree of truth to some of them. A perfect example would be the supposed Asian advantage. The perception that Asians do well academically partly stems from the fact that Asian students outperform their white counterparts in school. However, studies have shown that despite having higher marks, their chances of success in their careers is about the same as everyone else.

Just because she conforms to one or two stereotypes doesn’t really speak to her entire race. Whenever she displays behavior supposedly typical of an Asian woman, better hold yourself back from pointing it out. Perhaps she developed this mannerism from her parents or other influences. Or maybe she came up with this all on her own.

4. You use slang terms without bothering to find out the deeper context.

Just because certain expressions and practices seem cool doesn’t mean you should say or mimic them, especially in the presence of your date. Before you try any of them out, make sure to know the deeper meaning behind the slang terms or other cultural references. Because if you utter or mimic them out of context, there is a high chance you offend your date.

5. Your previous partners look a lot like her.

Once again, while there is nothing wrong with having a type, but if you’ve only been dating women that eerily look very similar, then chances are that you do fetishize Asians. If you’re dating an Asian woman for the sake of being with an Asian woman, then you might as well have been treating her like a piece of meat.

Also, there are Asian women that don’t fit society’s mold of what a typical Asians look like. In the Philippines, for example, the earliest settlers belong to a tribe called Aetas, and their features are quite similar to Africans. Colonization has also played a part in how some Asians look because of the fact some colonizers end up marrying Asian women. That’s why it’s pretty common to encounter Asian women with western features.

The point is one’s appearance should not affect your decision to really get to know someone. That would only lead to more disappointment.

If you marked check on all these signs, then better train yourself to stop doing them and hopefully stop fetishizing your date. Ultimately the important thing is you are able to look past the fact that she’s Asian and simply discover her for who she really is. Naturally, the best way to do that is to get to know her like you would any other person.

Besides, how would you feel if she points out your supposed American entitlement or ignorance. Wouldn’t you be offended?

While foreign men and women of Asian descent have to deal with the issue of race in their relationship, the mistake lies when the man is not able to see past his partner’s ethnicity. What’s the point of dating the person when you won’t even bother getting who she really is?